Sex and Relationships

I'm so sick of sex. I tried thinking of more interesting or poetic or honed ways of putting this, but I just simply can't. I'm going to speak in generalizations for a minute, but honestly I'm not particularly concerned with if it offends anybody - Because the undisturbed by what I have to say are most likely either innocent of what I'll describe or are equally as tired of it as I am. But that being said, I'm interested in what the irate will have to say. I shan't make this long, but I do hope it will be punchy.


Boys, listen to me carefully: I've about had it with you. A long time ago, I said that I would write you a letter like I did to women, and I still will (I've just procrastinated in a rather epic sort of manner), but you're going to get a piece of it here.

If I were to approach you with a trunk full of human ears and offer you the lot for $1,000, you'd probably chuckle uncomfortably and walk away. I'd counter-offer: $100. This trunk has tens of thousands of dollars of ears in it and you're getting an incredible deal. You'd say, "no thanks," and continue walking. "1 Dollar!" I'd yell as you're leaving. "I'll give them to you for one dollar, and I'll even package them in trash bags for you. All of them. You can do what you want with them, but they're all yours for one measly dollar." You'd turn and say to me, "Look man, that's a great deal, but I am just really not interested in buying human ears. Thank you, though."

The point is: you can't control whether or not I'm selling something, but you can absolutely control whether or not you buy it. But nobody is going to sell something nobody is willing to buy.

So why is there such a flood of sex on the market? Because you keep buying it. You keep proving that it gets your attention and so the things it's associated with, whether that be pornography or Snickers bars, will continue to grow in number and intensity.

You also let it rule both your interactions and your reactions. We hear talk of "objectifying" women a lot lately, and there are simple tests for whether or not you're one of the culprits: are you trying to pick them up? Are you trying to perhaps impress them, attract their attention, or otherwise turn their eyes to you? Are you looking at her in the eyes? Objects are picked up. Juries are wooed. Trash and train wrecks are ogled. Speak to women not like something to procure and rather like somebody with ambitions and things that make them sad and jokes that make them laugh and stuff that confuses them and humans skilled in certain areas more than you are.

Along the same lines: quit seeing girls you're attracted to as different from girls you're not attracted to. Eliminate "hot" from your vocabulary. We need an overhaul of the system - one where boys allow themselves to be men, where they don't see girls but women. Perhaps, if you'll allow the pun and the slight manipulation of the word, a more phileoic society and a less phallic one.


Let's pretend for a second that Unicorns are things in the world. Magical Unicorns - the terrifying, beastly, awe-inspiring ones of legend. They are perhaps winged and majestic and capable of both great docility and great danger. If I were asked to describe one to somebody who had extensive knowledge of horses but had never before seen a Unicorn, I would most likely say something along the lines of, "well, Unicorns look a little bit like horses. They have the same number of legs and the same sort of body and a similar enough face, but they have some important differences: it can fly, it has a large horn protruding from its head, it contains magical and healing properties, blah blah blah." In reality, the similarities to horses would stop at body styling, so it would be quite unfair to say merely "Unicorns are like horses, but different." It says nothing of their purpose, their end-goal, their destinies, were those Unicorn things. Horses are designed for bearing burdens, Unicorns for magicky things.

Girls, the same goes for you. Sure you have similar body stylings as men: the same number of limbs, a torso, a head that houses a brain, eyes, nose, etc. But to call yourself simply "not man" doesn't do you justice. It doesn't get at what makes you female. It doesn't encapsulate your passions or your strengths or your skills. So it is time to focus on what makes you a woman and on what you can do better than the men around you than how to attract them.

A good friend of mine has said with appropriate frustration that she'd like to fire the entire fashion industry, and I'd have to agree with her - although I am afraid that it goes deeper than that. So much effort is spent differentiating between men and women that we see each other as men and women, not as humans. 

Especially in America, corporate respect for women is climbing. You can hold more positions, take public office, even run for president if you'd like. You have opportunities afforded you that were unheard of even fifty years ago, but it's your place to sieze it. I cannot change men's perceptions of your gender as a whole, but individually, you hold the power to be revolutionary. Are you not getting the respect you feel you deserve? Then command it. You are capable of things I am not, able to think in ways I can't, and in possession of empathy, love, and compassion I couldn't dream of, so for the love of your Creator, act on it. It's intensely frustrating to me when I see girls attempting to get attention by showing skin rather than by outwitting the people that tell them they can't do something. Are you tired of being treated like an object or like a prize to be won? Then quit acting like it.

Hear me: you are not some boy's prize. Are you a treasure? Absolutely. But you exist for no man. So twentysomethings? Quit tweeting relationship woes and get to work on sculpting yourself in a way that exemplifies the intellect and the passion you've been endowed with. I feel like I'm going crazy every time I see the likes of "why does she have a boyfriend and I don't" because you're encouraging the object culture I so loathe. It's time to throw off this "waiting for a prince to come sweep me off my feet" nonsense, because we're in the age of the individual, where you can become exactly as great as you work to be. Men will come and go but you will remain through it all. Don't be rocked by the swells of fickle, inconsistant man and rather stand firm in the One who created you to be individual, unique, and ruled only by Himself.

What I'm the most perturbed by, I think, is that we have a culture based almost entirely around sex. We're either talking about it, showing it, or avoiding it, but it's become a centerpiece in modern life. Further, even if it isn't a sexual one, we worship the almighty relationship. We're all discussing how to find boyfriends or why gay people should or shouldn't be allowed to get married or debating the dangers of texting or whatever, and it has taken away the importance of making ourselves. We're talking more about why to not worry about relationships and less about why a relationship with Christ is the most crucial thing we can have. We have the other things because they're good things - but our obsession with them has turned them sour and left a bitter taste in our mouths.

Hamilton Barber

The subject of this page is an introverted writer/musician/lunatic from Chattanooga, TN who dabbles in lexical dexterity, unorthodox thoughts on prosperity, and being overwhelmingly undeserving of the privilege of waking up every day. He hopes that everybody who reads these words takes them to heart and leaps higher than he ever could. He reads, thinks, and speaks too much; he listens, works, and loves too little; and he says “I” entirely too often. The words on these pages are not his: they are the words that were given to him.