>I have noticed a disturbing pattern since the beginning of the year... I have been doing an exorbitantly little amount of writing.
No, that is not right. I've been writing more than ever. I have taken up a feverish sort of journaling as of late, scribbling with fury almost in a stream-of-consciousness sort of way about things I have been reading. I have collected around fifteen pages shy of a composition book's worth of thoughts on Genesis and Exodus alone.
I think that I have started about 15 new posts in the past week. I'll get ten words in and then lose motivation, focus, realize that I have nothing I feel like sharing
Move on with my day.
So I was trying to read today, on my single most unproductive "Study Day Saturday" in recent memory, including the ones over break when it consisted of me sitting on the couch staring generally at nothing for extended periods of time and feeling the build-up from school draining out of the pores of my skin, and I successfully read NOTHING.
Allow me to clarify: when I say "nothing," what I mean is that I did not finish a page of anything. I tried reading my grammar textbook and instead ended up thinking about why LED lights don't burn out. I tried reading The Turn of the Screw and instead thought of a list of things I needed and then thought about how I didn't really need "candles" and "books of matches" and "leather," I really just needed to read this story. But then I tried reading it again and realized I had lost myself in the story and was going to have to start back at the beginning.
And the thing is, I knew why. Because this is how we have become wired. I don't think that we were born this way: unable to focus on anything that isn't graphically engineered and flashy and moving and telling us how pretty we are and how socially relevant we think our thoughts. But alas, I have become assimilated into the culture of the have-now's and I JUST CHECKED FACEBOOK 5 TIMES IN THE PAST MINUTE.
I have developed a small rant/rhetorical analysis of Facebook in my time staring at pages full of knowledge, which is surely coming soon, so don't you worry.
What I mean to say is that something has to change. Why am I surprised when I can't sit and formulate my own meaningful thoughts when I am used to Googling what other people are quoting from somebody else? Why am I surprised that all information seems a secondhand facade and is springing from some asymptotic nega-vacuum simply spitting unimportant, superfluous things out for me to know when I don't take the time to find the sources of what is important for myself?
It is less important to know what is going on than why it is, or what is its significance. The significance of my dwindling concentration is not that I can't sit and read like I have been able to or like I need to, it is that I have been tossing it away with this fabulous little button on my internet browser that takes me to a random page on the internet full of facts or games or cute little cartoons with witty proverbs. I am filling my down time rather than making it down time, which makes NOTHING downtime.
Information overload. The #1 killer of creativity since Al Gore invented the internet.
Since Google monetized it.
Since I abused it.